FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is the key to spiritual and emotional freedom. It is vital that you understand the importance of this lesson. For without true forgiveness, we are caught in an endless cycle of hurtful emotions.
In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part. - Matthew 6:14
Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. - Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is costly. It cost God the life of his only son before he could forgive us. Because he paid that cost, we are freed from our bondage to (and our penalty for) sin. Forgiveness will cost you the anger and pain that have somehow become your 'friend'. It will be a painful parting, but the benefit is freedom to live a healed life.
- Lon Garber

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS

Forgiveness is the gift at the end of the healing process.
We receive it when we reach a point where we stop expecting the people who hurt us to pay for what they did or make it up to us in some way.

Forgiveness is an internal process.
It is a feeling of wellness, freedom, and acceptance.

Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem.
It is no longer building our identity around something that happened to us in the past. The past is put into its proper perspective, and we realize that the injuries and injustices are just a part of our life. They are only a part of who we are; they are not our whole self.

Forgiveness is letting go of the intense emotions felt by injustices from our past.
We still remember what happened, but we no longer feel intensely angry, frightened, bitter, resentful, or damaged because of it.

Forgiveness is realizing that we no longer need our hatred, resentments, and self-pity.
These emotions were a stage we went through as we processed the pain, but we no longer need them.

Forgiveness is releasing the desire to punish the people who hurt us.
It is realizing that we can never truly "even the score", and it is the inner peace we feel when we stop trying to pay them back.

Forgiveness is accepting the reality that nothing we do to punish them will heal us.
It is realizing that our behavior in response to the hurt has also hurt us and our children.

Forgiveness is moving on.
It is recognizing that we have better things to do with our life and then doing them.

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT

Forgiveness is not forgetting.
The experiences, and the pain they cause, have a great deal to teach us, both about not being victimized again and about not victimizing others.

Forgiveness is not condoning.
True forgiveness cannot occur while we are in any way denying, minimizing, justifying, or condoning the actions that harmed us.

Forgiveness is not absolution.
Many of us who were raised in a religious tradition regularly confess our sins and then receive absolution. Many of us still associate forgiveness with absolution, but we should not. Justice and mercy are God's domain.

Forgiveness is not gritting our teeth and tolerating the people who hurt us.
We either forgive or we do not. Being honest about the fact that we are not ready to forgive is better for us in the long run than pretending to forgive.

Forgiveness is not a clear-cut, one-time decision. No matter how sincerely we want to let go of the past and move on with our life, we cannot expect to wake up one morning, and think, "Today I am going to forgive someone who hurt me." Forgiveness happens naturally after we confront painful past experiences and allow the wounds to be healed.

**Taken From "Healing Past Emotional Hurts" - By Tammy Sevison and Lon Garber. Copyright 1998 by Snowbabies, Inc. Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from "The Message." Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.