Below you can submit your question anonymously to Tammy! If you do want to provide contact information, she will get back to you in 24-48 hours. Otherwise, you can look for your question and answer below!
These are some questions posed by teenagers between the ages of
13 and 17.
Q. Could there be healing and restoration for a family that has gone through molestation and drug abuse? The perpetrator was a stepfather who was involved in drugs and now is clean and very repentant of what he has done. This was a close family that was very close and loving to each other. Could they ever be a family again? Is that really possible? How? Help!!!
A. The answer is YES to all your questions, if the foundation of the restoration is built on Jesus and those that were involved are willing!!! Jesus is the ultimate Redeemer. He is able to redeem things that are impossible to conceive in our human minds. However, it will also take the willingness of those involved. If they are not ready to take that journey then it cannot be forced. If that however is their desire, then it is totally possible! Jesus can change hearts, human’s can’t.
Q. I was just wondering how old were you when you had your first relationship with a woman?
A. I was 21 years old.
Q. I was just wondering - I know that we are supposed to obey our parents and stuff but sometimes my parents make me mad sometimes and I don’t know what to do. I pray and stuff but it seems like it just don’t work what should I do?
A. Yes, obeying your parents honors them and God. It is very important. Parents will make you mad – there is no way around that. Take a look at why they make you mad. If you can find the “why” it may help you. It is good to pray about obeying your parents, however have you made the decision to obey your parents? See, when we make a decision – I mean truly decide something, then God’s grace (His supernatural ability will show up on the scene and assist you in your decision. So decide you are going to obey your parents at all costs (even when you don’t feel like it) and you’ll will find that it will become easier and easier to do. When you obey, your actions show that you care more about their desires than your own and that is a great foundation for a great life because then you become more and more like Jesus! He’s the ultimate example!!!
Q. I was just wondering about something...I understand that we are saved by grace and not judged on the things we do and don't do, but I also know there is a "judgment" day, what exactly are we getting judged on???
A. Despite what religion has taught us, God doesn’t pull out some huge laundry list of all the horrible things we’ve done and judge us on it! If He did that, He would be contradicting His Word when He says that He’s cast our sin as far as the East is from the West. I believe that the judgment of God will be to unbeliever’s – those who have not accepted Jesus as their Savior. I believe that our judgment has been settled in Christ and when we stand before Him, all He will see is the blood of Jesus that has washed us white as snow!
Q. After so many years growing up in a strong Christian family and somewhere along the line you realize that you've lost what to believe in... a part of you wants to believe in God and have strong faith in him but then there’s another part of you where you don't what to believe anymore. Even though you had gone to church numerous times it just seems like I am just going because it'll make my family happy... What could you do to bring back the faith that was once there?
A. You have to find out why it is that you don’t want to believe anymore and then find the reasons you do. God doesn’t promise us a perfect life, but He does promise victory in life. What is victory worth to you? You can’t go to church because someone else expects you to (unless you live at home and your family requires that – that’s just respect). Bringing faith back won’t happen if you are seeking God out of obligation. A relationship with God doesn’t happen out of religious do’s and don’ts. When you find the reasons you want to believe ask God to show up in those areas and He will. If you constantly focus on the reasons why not to believe then unbelief is your focus! That which you focus on is magnified!!! God has an amazing life planned for you, but He’s given you the free will to choose His plan or reject His plan! God loves you unconditionally – no strings attached! All He wants is the best for you and nothing less!
Q. How come there are so many different dominations and versions of the bible, when it all comes down to it, it all should be the same if we are all talking about the same "god"?
A. Denominations come from man’s interpretation of God! Many people unfortunately think going to church is having a personal relationship with Jesus! People have put God is this box of a “denomination” rather than just opening up their heart’s to having an “out of the box” relationship with God! There are people who choose various churches that “fit” their view and opinion of God. Denominations aren’t bad if they are not exchanged for having a true relationship with God. We each are made differently and are unique. Having a real relationship with God through Jesus Christ is what it should be about for all of us. God is not a denomination. The Bible says we all know in part, so maybe each denomination is a little part. I know many people from all denominations that love Jesus and really that’s what it’s about.
Q. Is sexual relations between unmarried couples considered a sin in god's eyes, even if they are only with each other? And is it a sin to have sex with other unmarried individuals while you are in an unmarried relationship?
A. This is a really great question. If you want to look at the sin factor – then yes, it is a sin. Let’s go deeper than that though. I want to define sin for you. People look at sin as all the don’ts of being a Christian. They fail to look at the why! God is pretty clear about some things we should not do. The reason He is so clear about some of those things is because He knows the consequences. He can see beyond what we can! The last thing God wants is for us to get hurt! If you choose to submit (meaning yield to the advice of) to God, then you are not going to get hurt. I’m not saying you won’t hurt, feelings wise, but your heart will not be open to being crushed on an even greater level should the relationship end. However, if you choose to just ignore His advice, then you have opened your heart up to get hurt. The various “sin” factors in our lives are simply areas we have chosen not to trust the advice of God and trust in our own wisdom instead. That is dangerous for your heart!! Proverbs 4:23 says “above all else guard your heart, for out of it flow the wellsprings of life.” It is imperative that we guard our heart. If a guy is willing to sleep with a girl before marriage, then he’s not being the man that God called him to be. If a girl chooses to sleep with a guy before marriage then she needs to learn more about her identity in Christ. Great battles should be fought to win the Princess. Even if that battle is “self control.” Both guys and girls should remain pure so they can offer their spouses, when the time comes, an unwounded heart. It is a great foundation for a marriage!
On a related note, please see the Message of the Month from November 2007 entitled “Protecting Our Children’s Hearts” as you may also find it applicable.
Q. What do you do when you feel like you are drifting away from people because, 1) you either got in a relationship and they just stop asking you to hang out because they feel like only you two want to hang out all the time, and 2) you've changed some habits for the better, in example, drinking less, and rarely doing drugs, and because you aren’t drinking as much as they are, they never ask you to go out, or tell u they are going out, or anything like that? At the same time, they are friends who mean something to you, but you feel as if you don't mean as much to them...
A. When you begin to make changes in your life for the better, then your life will change. Changes equal change. Sometimes changes can be for the worse or sometimes they can be for the better. Your question has 2 very different answers. Let’s cover the “relationship” question. I think many people make the mistake when beginning to date someone, they allow their friendships to suffer. Naturally you won’t spend the same time with your friends as before, however friendships need to be nurtured just as much as a “relationship.” Sure your friends will become secondary, but they shouldn’t become obsolete. There is a balance though. Sometimes your friends may want to consume your life and that’s not healthy either. Balancing is hard because some of your friends will not understand. As long as you communicate with them though, if they don’t understand, then it’s not on you! You did your part.
Changing Habits: When I left the crazy life that I used to lead to embrace a better life…most of my friends were not willing to follow in my footsteps. In fact the people I thought were my friends, were the very people that abandoned me when I needed them to understand. It hurt deeply! They took it personally and didn’t include me in their lives and basically shut me out. I’ve noticed through the years how my friendships change. Friendships change for the rest of your life. In fact, some close friendships literally become acquaintances! That is a difficult transition, however life for everyone changes all the time. It’s part of growing. It is hard! I can count on one hand the people I know that will be in my life until I go home to be with Jesus. I made a vow several years ago that God could choose my friends for me. I know that sounds crazy, but I came to a point in my life where I wanted to accomplish something while I’m here and make a difference with the life I have on this earth. I believe you need friends that have similar standards and goals, otherwise they drag you down. You don’t just walk away from friendships, but if you have someone that has absolutely no motivation versus someone who has intense motivation…there is no balance there. Some friendships are all consuming – those are not healthy. You need friends that will support you and understand you – and want you to be all that you can be. A lot of my so called friends in the past wanted me to stay where they were and I just couldn’t do that and be fulfilled! God will call you to deeper places and many of your friends won’t go with you. Just trust God and allow Him to lead your life and you will have the most awesome friendships! The friends I have today may be different than what I had earlier in my life, but they are the best and most meaningful friendships I’ve ever had. We help each other grow! I hope that helps!
Q. how do you know what career god is calling you to do?
A. God has equipped you with gifts and talents, as well as things you enjoy doing and are passionate about. Begin to explore what you know your gifts and talents are and then ask God to show you how He wants you to use them. He will guide you and often times He leads us by the desires of our hearts. What is your passion? Find that and you’ll find your purpose!
Q. okay, I understand god doesn't kill us and the environment does, but is there a day that god already knows when we are going to die and how we are going to die?
A. Yes, God knows everything!
Q. So if God knows the day we are going to die, how can he not be the one planning it, or why doesn’t he stop it if it’s a brutal death, like murder? I'm sorry I'm trying to clear all my questions up so I can believe again fully.
A. God does know the day because He knows everything, however God’s will and His plan are entirely two different things. For example, God’s will is for everyone to believe in Jesus Christ and go to heaven, but God doesn’t get what He wants all the time. His plan for your life is good – however not everyone will believe that it is and they will go their own way. He tries to stop all tragedy by warning us. Obeying Him is for our own good . He doesn’t ask us to obey Him to make our life miserable! He asks us to obey Him so we have a great life! God gave man dominion and authority over the works of His hands here on earth. God can’t just override someone’s will! He gave us the right to choose. Many times people will see God not as He is, but how they are! They believe certain things because that is what religion has taught them. Once they enter into a real relationship with God based on a one on one experience they will begin to silence the voice of contradiction (anything that says that God isn’t good or causes bad things to happen to us to teach us lessons). Once they know that God would never hurt them and they know that deep in the core of their hearts, then they will begin to experience the abundant life Christ died to give us. Read 1st Corinthians 13:4-8. These scriptures describe the very nature of God! So, if something happens to you in this life and it doesn’t fall in one of these categories of God’s nature then you can clearly know that God was not the source of it! God is always trying to protect us, but often we fail to hear Him and even when we do hear Him, we don’t obey because we think our way is better! Bad things happen to good people - we are human and we are imperfect – we don’t always get it right!
Q. When you said that death isn't in "gods plan", but yet I have been taught there is one day he has planned for someone to die, how they are going to die, and what age it is they will die at?
A. Because of the fall of Adam and Eve, there is death. However, God does not kill people. Sometimes death happens tragically and sometimes it is peaceful – but it is not God causing the death. When we become Christians we are equipped with the gift of the Holy Spirit that resides in us. The Holy Spirit will tell us things to protect us and also prepare us. Many times, we do not hear the Holy Spirit because we are too busy with our own agenda. Yet, the Holy Spirit will always try to warn us of danger. God will show up to comfort us in death though. That is His nature – to love and comfort us! Many times someone who is dying is at peace because God has prepared them. Again, God does not kill people or allow them to be killed – it’s just a matter of this earthly life taking us. Unfortunately it can be a very tragic experience (murder, rape, suicide, etc.) or it can be a very peaceful experience (growing old and dying). God is with us but does not cause it.
Q. If adam and eve were the first people in this so called world, where did all of the other people come from that they seem to marry?
A. The Bible tells us about the creation of Adam and Eve only. It does not go into greater detail. The only thing that we can assume is that either God created more people and it is just not accounted for in the Bible or one of Eve’s children conceived a child with their mother and basically interbreeding took place. It was not unusual in biblical times to marry a family member. Sounds pretty gross to me, but that is one of those questions where my salvation doesn’t depend on it, so I just take it at face value.
Q. What does it truly take to be accepted into heaven? Could God seriously send someone to hell? Why do they say Suicide is the ultimate sin, when all sins are on the same level? Do you really go to hell if you commit suicide? How come dinosaurs aren't in the bible if there is proof of them by scientists? Why would God take my great grandmothers life while I am kneeling next to her, if he's up there, he would know that it hurt everyone in that room to literally watch her die and take her last breath. What if you have asked him to try and prove to you that there really is a God, but nothing has happened, what next..? My faith has crashed after deaths occured, lost friends, drugs, stuff happening when under the influence of guys, school, everything just seemed to crash and I honestly feel like my faith will never be the same, but at the same time, If there really is a hell, I don't want to go there...
A. Thank you first and foremost for writing in! You have several questions that I will answer so I will separate each of your questions:
Q. What does it truly take to be accepted into heaven?
A. Believing that Jesus Christ came into this world to win you back through His death, burial and resurrection, and then receiving that into your heart. All you have to do is receive Jesus! God has done the rest for you!!!
Q. Could God seriously send someone to hell?
A. God doesn’t send someone to hell; people send themselves to hell. Let me give you an example. Let’s say you had a car. You loved this car – it’s everything you have always wanted. This car had all the bells and whistles that money could buy. Everything was perfect about this car, except one tiny little thing. It didn’t have an ignition. What good is a car without an ignition? The car, in all it’s beauty could not be used for what it was designed for because it was missing an ignition. You could clean the car, you could show it off to your friends, you could sit in it…but you couldn’t drive it! It’s the same with God. See when Adam and Eve sinned they exchanged the priceless gift that God gave them for a counterfeit. Man gave up his destiny when he sinned. So, God had a plan! He planned to send Jesus. Jesus could win it all back for God’s kids!! Jesus was the ignition!! Now let’s say, I told you I had the ignition for you, but you had to come and get it. So for some reason or another, you never had the time to come and get this ignition from me, even though it would make your life easier, everything else got priority. Then one day someone hit this beautiful car and it was beyond repair. It was too late – not even the ignition could fix it. Was it the ignition’s fault? Or was it the person who made the decision to not pick up the ignition and install it? God loves you so much that He literally has given you the freedom to choose Him. God didn’t create you as a puppet or robot! He wants a real relationship with you, but He will not force Himself on you. It’s your decision to choose Him. Hell is a real place, but God doesn’t send you there; it would be your decision. No one is guaranteed tomorrow.
Q. Why do they say Suicide is the ultimate sin, when all sins are on the same level? Do you really go to hell if you commit suicide?
A. I love how you put “why do they say.” Can I tell you that it doesn’t matter what “they say.” The only thing that matters is what God says!!! I have good news for you…God didn’t say that suicide was the ultimate sin – some preacher made that stuff up somewhere in history!!! Sin is sin! Now some sin has a greater consequence, but it’s not God imposing that consequence. I mean if someone takes their own life, the pain is great to those that are left behind. Sometimes life is unbearable, especially if we don’t have Christ in our hearts to help us deal with the hurts and pains that life brings our way. If someone has accepted Jesus into their heart and later on down the road commits suicide…God is not going to send them to hell. God is not an Indian giver. The only thing that sends a person to hell is if they haven’t accepted Jesus as their Savior!! God doesn’t take it back no matter what you do! No one loses their salvation because of what they do! If that was the case, then we would all go to hell because none of us are perfect!!
Q. How come dinosaurs aren’t in the Bible if there is proof of them by scientists?
A. Actually, dinosaurs are in the Bible. It just doesn’t say dinosaurs! Adam named the beasts of the field, the fowl of the air and the animals in the sea. Dinosaurs are in the Bible!
Q. Why would God take my great grandmothers life while I am kneeling next to her, if he's up there, he would know that it hurt everyone in that room to literally watch her die and take her last breath.
A. Did you know that death was never part of God’s plan? Unfortunately because of Adam and Eve’s sin, death entered the world. But God cared so much about His kids that He conquered death. Even though we die physically, we don’t die spiritually. We are eternal beings. God didn’t take your grandmother, this physical life took your grandmother. Death is unnatural to all of us and it’s painful, but with God, He does give us comfort as we need it and helps us to deal with the pain of losing someone. Did you know that even God hurts when someone dies on earth? It says in the Bible that it’s a great loss to God when one of His children die. Yet, because God loves us so much, He saw to it that He paved the way for us to have eternal life if we choose. He’s so good!
Q. What if you have asked him to try and prove to you that there really is a God, but nothing has happened, what next?
A. God knows what it will take to prove to you. He knows you better than you know yourself. Maybe He’s waiting on you to really be open to Him instead of trying to disprove Him. See, sometimes we as human beings are really trying to disprove God and we are really not open to really believing. God is more real than the reality you experience here on earth! Just look at the intricacy of the human body…that didn’t just happen! That there is solid proof right there! It’s amazing!
Q. My faith has crashed after deaths occured, lost friends, drugs, stuff happening when under the influence of guys, school, everything just seemed to crash and I honestly feel like my faith will never be the same, but at the same time, If there really is a hell, I don't want to go there.
A. Well like I’ve said, Hell is definitely a real place. Some people just accept Christ to avoid hell and hey, if that’s what it takes then whooohooo. I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to burn in hell. However, God sent Jesus to give us a life worth living here on earth. John 10:10 says that Jesus came to give us life abundantly. He wants us to prosper in body, mind and soul. He became the sin of the world so we could approach God boldly and confidently – even in the midst of our own sin. God looks at us through the price that Jesus paid. Our debt has been paid thanks to Jesus! God wants you happy and fulfilled and that will happen when you ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life. It’s amazing what will happen if you just believe! God knows your doubt and unbelief. In fact, one of Jesus’ disciples, who actually walked and talked with him, had trouble believing. His name was Thomas. Yet, Jesus understood and proved to Him, just like He’ll prove to you if you give Him a chance. You don’t have to be fake with God. You can be real and tell Him everything you struggle with. He not mad at you and He never will be thanks to the work of Jesus becoming everything we are in our humanity so we could take on everything He is, was and ever will be. He made the exchange for us!!!
Q. Does counseling really help when someone is in sexual sin?
A. I most definitely believe that counseling can be a great tool and I endorse it completely...if that person struggling is getting good counseling. I have found that until one sees God for who He really is (His character of UNCONDITIONAL love for them), they cannot be healed. I find that many counselor's and churches "guilt" individuals to repent by making them feel bad about themselves when they are in sin. Christ never made anyone feel badly about themselves. That is why those who were dealing with sin in their lives, especially sexual sin, were comfortable in His presence. I have pondered this thought frequently...What did Jesus say to the woman at the well that caused her to win the whole city for Jesus? He told her all about herself the scriptures say - but what did He say? In my heart of hearts, I believe that Jesus was restoring her heart with His words. He was calling forth those things in her life that He could see spiritually - the good things about her!!! I believe He called forth her freedom with restorative words!!! See, if one believes that God is out to get them, they cannot be restored!!! If they believe that God will do something horrible to them if they don't get right with Him, they will never seek Him on an intimate level!!! Restoration comes through being able to connect intimately with God to experience His restoring unconditional love. God will never make anyone feel guilty. Guilt and conviction are entirely two different things. So, yes counsel can help, but it has to be the right counsel. Healing does happen, I'm living proof! However, until I was able to see God for who He really was...a loving caring Father who really did have my best interest at heart, I would hit a wall. I would only let God go so deep to purge the darkness out of my heart! Really that darkness was just an improper view of God, an area of my heart that had not yet come alive to God's ability to free me. I had to get so comfortable with God and trust Him with this darkness, and exchange it for His light! I had to exchange my weakness for His strength. I had to be totally exposed before my God and allow Him to cleanse my heart and renew my mind, knowing He would not humiliate me!!!! That would have never happened had I not viewed God for who He really is!!! One will never really embrace Christ's forgiveness to the degree of experiencing the amazing freedom that only His love can bring, until they feel safe enough with Him to expose themselves without fear of rejection, punishment or humiliation. Yes, there are consequences for sin - but it's not God doing it to them. It's a result of one's own decisions. That's the blessing of our freedom of will! God did not create robots. He has given us the ability to choose. It's so easy to blame God or even the devil for that matter, for all the chaos in our lives, yet something happens when we ourselves take responsibility for the cause and effects in our life and then bring them to God to exchange our weaknesses for His strength. We all must realize that every decision we make either brings us life or brings us death - it's one or the other. Sometimes the consequence is immediate, sometimes it doesn't show up until years later...it shows up though. But GOD!!!! Sorry my response was soooo long, but I'm extremely passionate about people seeing God for who He really is!!! That is the only way one will experience freedom!!
Q. How can god relate to us? I mean when He
was on earth, I don’t think He thought to himself "man I’m
so fat, and I have bad hair." You know what I mean? He was
a guy he never dealt with that stuff.
A. How can God relate to us..........I love the
part about the bad hair too. I hate bad hair days. That's why I
mine short. Well, my answer may surprise you. In fact, if you’ve
got a religious bone in your body it will be extremely broken,
but hopefully will make you think and ponder about the awesomeness
of Jesus Christ. So let’s get started on this answer. Ok,
well, Jesus was God in the flesh. Everyone has this picture that
Jesus being perfect also gave Him a perfect life where nothing
went wrong and He didn't get frustrated or angry or have to deal
with human things. Well, I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but
Jesus struggled with the human things. For example, He was a
carpenter and I'm sure He hit his thumb with what we call a hammer
several times and He experienced pain. I'm sure there were also
times that He ate not so good things and ended up having stomach
problems. Yes, Jesus used the bathroom and passed gas and the
whole shebang...no pun intended. In fact, Him being a guy almost
makes me think that Him and the disciples had farting contests,
which I may add, totally grosses me out! I hear terrible stories
about what some husbands do to their poor wives...like holding
their heads under the covers...do I have to say more. YUK!! Anyway...Jesus
also struggled when He begged God to allow the crucifixion to
pass from Him. Jesus didn't want to die, but He gave up HIMSELF
(what He wanted) so that He could fulfill God's ultimate plan.
Jesus had to die to His flesh daily...just as we do. Just because
He reacted to circumstances and situations perfectly doesn't
mean that He didn't struggle with bad situations. So many people...even
myself at one time, especially when I was younger thought that
just because Jesus was perfect meant that He didn't have to struggle
like we do in this life. That is furthest from the truth. Years
ago I was struggling with the fact that Jesus could not identify
with what it was like to be molested. A friend of mine at the
time corrected me. Her name was Freedom....no coincidence. If
anything set me free about that fact, it was what came out of
her mouth when I said that Jesus couldn't understand. She said
something along these lines, "Tammy, do you know that in
Webster’s 1848 dictionary that the definition for molestation
was basically being subjected to be viewed or to view something
that basically humiliated you and caused one shame?" Now
she didn't say those words exactly, but that is what I heard.
So that meant that not only was Jesus molested when He traveled
Calvary's hill, due to the fact that He was naked, He didn't
have a little loin cloth on as some pictures portray...no He
was bare before the world. He was humiliated. He was shamed.
I'll take it a step further...because Jesus was naked before
the world, stripped of His clothing, being mocked etc., unfortunately
He molested those that saw Him, based on Webster’s 1848
dictionary. Now obviously He wasn't intentional with that....but
because He experienced it....He could now relate based on that
experience. He experienced the shame that one feels who is molested
as well as experiencing the shame that one carries who molests.
That should set some people free. Jesus can identify with the
intense pain and shame and humiliation of sexual abuse. No, He
never acted with impure intentions but He was subjected to the
actions of others therefore becoming a victim of those actions.
He understands! The cool thing though is that when Jesus descended
into hell, the only thing that got Him out of there is that He
remembered who He was. Remember He became our sin. Yet, He remembered
what Father God had said about Him and who He was...and girl
He ministered to those in hell and busted them out of there too.
Read it!! When He was raised from the dead the new covenant was
signed, sealed and delivered. Praise God! We became free! Everything
was done! It's now just a question of whether we choose Him!
Q. My friend is addicted to laxatives and makes
herself throw up. She is a Christian but she says that God doesn’t
love her anymore. Is this true? She is also asking me if God
or disappointed in her.
A. Well, I have another young lady that I have mentored for nearly
2 years now and she just returned from an in-patient treatment
facility for an eating disorder. I watched this young lady dwindle
down to nothing in a very short amount of time as well as reap
the debilitating physical ailments from abusing her body. I pushed
for her to go in-patient because an eating disorder is nothing
to mess with. An eating disorder is just a symptom of an underlying
root problem, so your friend needs to seek help before it gets
to be way out of control. Taking laxatives is dangerous!! Your
body has specific functions and the human body is a machine that
must be taken care of. Purging is yet another dangerous, dangerous
abuse method. An eating disorder is not about food, it's about
a distorted perception of one's body image due to several possibilities...one
that is prevalent with those who struggle with an eating disorder
are those who have been victims of sexual abuse. A self hatred
occurs and they think their body caused the sexual abuse so they
abuse their bodies because they feel that is what they deserve.
Those who struggle with an eating disorder need professional assistance,
preferably Christian counseling. A counselor that operates in the
grace and peace message as well. They need support of others that
can identify with their struggles because it is one tough disease
God's love has not changed for your friend. He is not mad at
her. He wants her to get help. He wants to help her and He will
if she allows Him to. He will place people in her life as a support
as well. The only thing is that she has to want it. She has to
come face to face with the eating disorder and look at it for
what it really is. That's the tough part! No denial!! God hurts
with her! He is not disappointed in her. He hurts with her because
He has such an awesome plan for her life but yet He watches satan
grip her with this incredible stronghold and He cannot interfere
because she has not asked God for His help. I'm going to say
once again, God's love does not change for us based on what we
do or don't do. God's love is absolutely 100% unconditional,
no strings attached!!!! Tell your friend to get help. She's got
to get honest though and that's tough. Once she does, and once
she gets real about it and pursues help, she will overcome by
the power of Jesus Christ.
Q. Can God forgive me for cybering and all the other things I
do? Like I haven’t done it in a while but it's tempting because,
I feel like I matter when I do that you know? Like if a guy tells
me he loves me I just feel so happy and I don’t know if I'll
ever overcome that.
A. I understand how you feel. At your age I was having sex with
boys to fill that void in my life because cybering didn't even
exist. See we always will search for the thing we feel we need
the most. We want love, affirmation, and acceptance and when
we don't find those things in Christ and we don't have it
then you know what, we were built to find it somewhere else.
Unfortunately, we look for it in all the wrong places!! We
allow ourselves to
be used and sure we are accepted for a moment, but then that
moment dissipates to something that hurts us deeply. I mean,
go looking for pain, but it seems that our choices always ended
up in pain. Know what I mean? The devil is great at presenting
counterfeits to us and if we are not grounded and rooted in
the Word and we don't know how to listen to that still small voice
that is ALWAYS speaking to us then we fall for the counterfeit.
It sucks when that happens. Counterfeits are good copies of
real deal, but the result is unnecessary pain and hurt. I always
try to filter things through the Word of God. Sometimes I fail
miserably, but at least I recognize that failure and let God
turn it around. He's awesome at doing that!! I just love
to see God
take a situation that I've completely botched and turn it around
to something good. God is always ready to run to us and help
us. We just have to let him. He is always ready and waiting
us! So you've made the mistake of cybering...girl, it was a
mistake so just ask God to forgive you and to help you see Him
He really is so that He can fill that void in your heart. He
will do it! It will take effort on your part to spend time
Just sit in His presence! You can pour out your heart to him...and
oh, it doesn't have to be religious either...just talk to Him
like you talk to me. He's your friend! He's the best friend
have. God will never let you down. You may not understand His
ways, but I can assure you that you can trust His heart.
He wants nothing
but the best for you. If you make a mistake, He's right there
to embrace you and welcome you with open arms of forgiveness.
teach you how to stay on the right track. I'm telling you,
He's so amazing!!!! Most of all, God never makes you feel guilty
bad about yourself!! NEVER! So if you make a mistake and you
start feeling guilty or condemned...it's not God making you
way. It's 100% the devil! He will lead you down a path of broken
dreams and then beat you up about it along the way. God will
never mess with your heart! He loves you so much!
Q. Is it wrong to cuss at God? Sometimes I blame God for my molestation
and I just want to cuss him out for allowing that pain. I mean
if He loves me than why did he let those things happen to me?
Couldn’t He have just made life a little easier. I don’t
know Tammy sometimes I just want to give up. I am getting tired
of waiting for God to talk and answer my prayers. Every time
I get close to Him something always happens that separates us.
maybe God just doesn’t care about me. Can’t that
be a possibility? Its like He probably looks down and is like
'that girl is hopeless, and I am too busy and tired to talk to
her.” Or maybe I am just some experiment God is doing and
that is why He created me. I mean I don’t know. I’m
just sick of waiting for Him to show me he loves me and if he
does love me its not like he is going to send me flowers! I don’t
know I have just been mad at Him is that a sin? Is that like
a bad thing to do?
A. There were many years that I blamed God for everything in my
life that was wrong and thought if this is love then I would hate
to see what the heck hate is. Oh Girl...I used to cuss God out
all the time. In fact about 9 months before I recommitted my life
to him I knelt on my living room floor, it was shortly after my
best friend had killed himself, and I literally screamed out to
God that I hated him and I would rather spend the rest of my life
in hell than to be with him. I was so angry with God!! Lord Jesus
thank you for GRACE! God saw straight through my hurt and intense
pain of misunderstanding and loved me anyway. There was nothing
I could do to change His incredible love. He just wanted me to
understand how deeply He loved me but I wouldn't let him in to
my life. When I did though, I saw God for who He really is. Sure,
it took me tons of time, but as I grew in my relationship with
Him, I realized He wasn't out to get me and most of all He wasn't
mad at me. God's mercies are new everyday and when you ask Him
to help you He will. The thing that keeps separating you when you
begin to get close to God is satan. See, the devil's biggest fear
and biggest trouble is when someone finds out the truth about God
and the truth of who they are in Christ. Once someone really gets
a hold of the truth the devil is powerless in their life because
when he does attack you recognize it and you just run back to the
Father as your safe place. He doesn't want you to get a hold of
the truth about God. He would rather you run around thinking all
the messes in your life is God's fault. People have the freedom
to choose. The only time God can intervene in our situation's is
if we allow Him too. Many people choose not to obey God because
they think it's stupid and He's just out to ruin our fun. God is
the funnest! The only reason He asks us to be obedient is because
by obeying Him we have an abundant life. Sure our flesh doesn't
like to obey, but our spirit does and if we can learn to listen
to God and be committed to obey then girl, the devil has lost his
grip!!! The problems in your life are not from God. He has no evil
in Him. He can't cause bad things to happen. People experience
bad things as a result of someone being disobedient or even themselves
being disobedient. For example, when you were molested the boy
that molested you was being disobedient to God. He probably didn't
even think about God, He was gratifying his flesh. You unfortunately,
were the victim of that disobedience. It hurt Father God more than
you can even imagine. However, He couldn't override that person's
will. That hurt was not any part of God's plan for your life. He
didn't make it happen and would never do that to one of His kids.
Now, if you put that pain in God's hand He will heal you and He
will restore your life. He will put you back together and make
what the devil meant for harm and turn it around for good. You
need to get good and mad at the devil and blame him. Make him regret
the day he messed with you. You know the best way to make the devil
pay? Listen to God, follow His Word and be committed to Him no
matter what. You will soon come alive to what I'm telling you and
then you will tell others of His awesome love and the devil will
be powerless. Not only that, but you will bring the truth to others
who feel the same way you do now!!!!! I can see it in my minds
eye, God has an amazing plan for your life!!! Take the time to
heal and allow God into your pain. He will restore you!!
Q. My father and brother keep telling me that God says that women
cannot pastor a church. Can women pastor a church?
A. Women pastors have been such a division in the body of Christ
for years. Personally, I think it's just a tool of the enemy to
cause division and lack of unity and harmony in the body of Christ
and frankly he's done well accomplishing his mission. However,
no where, I mean no where in the Bible does it say that a woman
cannot preach the word of God. So whether a woman is classified
as Reverend, Pastor, Teacher, Preacher....etc., makes do difference.
Many have argued this for years and years. In fact, I heard John
Hagee just preach a message about women preaching and teaching
etc., and he said it straight up. He basically stated that if you
believe that women cannot preach and teach the Word of God, what
Bible are you reading? It was hilarious!! Now, I do believe that
if a woman pastor's a church she should have a husband or a spiritual
leader she submits to. Men bring the gift of logical thinking and
balance to the emotions of a woman. So the two together pastoring
a church I feel would be best. So those are my thoughts about that.
Look at Joyce Meyer's and tell me women are not anointed to preach
In fact Matthew 28:19-20 says Go therefore and make disciples of
all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the
Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Teaching them to observe all things
that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to
the end of the age.
God uses women in powerful ways. In fact, if you read about the
woman at the well Jesus won her to him and then she went forth
and the whole city was saved. The disciples had been in that city
and basically were seed planters at that point, yet it was a woman
who brought forth the harvest. When Jesus told the 11 disciples
(Matthew 28:16) to go and make disciples, He didn't just say go
and make "men" disciples. He just said disciples. Also,
in the spiritual realm we are not equated with what sex we are...male/female
so it makes no difference. It's just a tool of the enemy. Really,
years ago is was man's ego that got hurt and so all these rules
and regulations were placed on what a woman could do and couldn't
do and it has just followed us for years and years. Crazy!! There
is a great book called "Women, God's Secret Weapon" by
Ed Silvoso. That book rocked my world!!!
Q. If God loves people so much then why did he even create satan?
why couldn’t he have just killed him or something? I mean
why would God let satan ruin peoples lives?
A. Well, I used to ask that question often as a young teen as
well as in my early twenties!! I was convinced that God was playing
games with people. I know now that of course that was not the case
so I do have an answer for you. #1 God has given us a free will.
We are free to choose who we will serve. We are free to choose
who we will love and obey. God loves us so much and He gives us
the right to choose! That is such an incredible gift. God didn’t
create robots. #2 God created Satan, but not as Satan. He created
him as Lucifer, the angel of light. He was the most beautiful angel
and he was in charge of the music department (praise and worship)
I guess you could say. Why do you think that beauty and music are
two of the most influential things in our lives? Also, the angels
have free wills too. They have to because when Satan was cast out
of heaven he persuaded other angels to go with him and now they
are demons. See, Satan wanted to become like God so that he would
have all power. His ego needed to be stroked. So it comes down
to our choice and our freedom to choose. We let Satan ruin our
lives by listening to him rather than God. God’s instructions
bring us life, Satan’s instructions bring us death. It is
our choice. Whatever we choose, it doesn’t change God’s
love for us!!!
Q. Does God hurt when I sin? Does He get mad at me when
A. Yes, it does hurt Father God when you sin because He
has such an awesome plan for your life and His heart aches for
you to just step out and trust His way rather than your own. However,
He does not get mad at you!!! The word says that He poured ALL
his anger and wrath out on Jesus at the cross and He reconciled
the world to himself. The covenant that was cut when Jesus died
on the cross included the promise that God would never be mad at
us again. God has given us a free will and we have the power to
choose what Jesus died to give us. The message of the cross is
the most incredible good news.
Q. If a person cybered a lot, you know sex by internet, and if
they have never engaged in sexual activity, will they still be considered
A. Well, cybersex rapes your mind because it's a distortion of
real intimacy. It also rapes your emotions because you will experience
emotional damage. You may not "feel" that damage now,
but it has already begun. Yet, it's your choice. It's not a wise
choice, but it's your choice. To answer your question - are you
still a virgin if you cyber? Well, "Technically" according
to medical science...yes. However, I believe that virginity is also
a state of mind. The pureness and the wholeness of your mind!!!
You can't have a healthy mind when you engage in things that are
developing a faulty belief system of what the world offers as intimacy.
Cybering with someone is just yet another "distorted"
sexual avenue that burns an image in your mind's eye that cannot
be erased. Another tool of the enemy used to distort and steal the
beautiful gift of what real intimacy truly is according to God's
A male friend's viewpoint: "The Lord wants you to remain perfectly
pure before marriage so you can give that priceless gift to your
spouse after marriage. He knows your heart and your motives and
your intentions. The fact that you are asking a question about cybersex
indicates that you already have a lack of peace about it - that
lack of peace is from the Lord. He is severely hurt and offended
if you try to rationalize certain types of sex as acceptable. Purity
is not something that has varying degrees or shades. Anything that
compromises purity even slightly is abhorrent to God. If you are
living for Him, you cannot dabble in any type of impurity because
it obstructs and cripples your relationship with Him. If you have
dabbled in sexual immorality of any type and are disgusted by your
actions and are willing to completely turn away from it, remember
He is there with open arms to forgive you and make you clean again
- and to give you the strength and encouragement to refrain from
repeating the sin."
Q. A 15 year old girl, told me that she French kisses her 12 year
old sister. and that they do sexual things. I feel so gross. why
do I feel like I am in sin also? Don't you think this is nasty?
How can I get ride of this awful thing? Am I over exaggerating?
A. That is a very gross story, however it shows me how twisted
and distorted the minds of our youth are becoming, for various
See, what people do (how they act) is a result of what they've
put into their heart (their thoughts, their feelings, and their
When you allow things into your ear gate or eye gate that is so
opposite of what God wants and desires for you, we are on a path
of heartbreak. What you hear shapes your heart. What you see shapes
your heart. It is our choice to decide what to shape our heart
thoughts, your feelings, your desires) with. When MTV or VH1 or
whatever other network displays an image showing women groping
over women, or men groping all over men, or men all over women,
or women all over men (you get my point) it shapes your heart.
is our choice to shape our heart with the right things. See, these
two sisters that are sexually involved with each other have had
their belief systems shaped by things other than the Word of God.
It could be that they were sexually abused, or it could be that
they have been introduced to pornography and they have seen this,
it could be a number of things. Whatever may have caused this
it is still destructive in their own lives because God didn't create
us to experience those things. God leads us down paths of life.
The damaging effects of what these two sisters are doing will lead
them to a place of real heartbreak. The actions that they are
have severe consequences. They may not realize those consequences
now, however someday they will experience the destruction. Now,
please don't take that out of context
God is not mad at them,
He will not cause horrible things to happen to them, and it doesn't
mean that God loves them any less - Absolutely not!! God loves
them and continues to want the best for them, however they have
and with that power to decide our lives can become a mess if we
don't seek God's advice and His wisdom. The exciting part about
this is that you could be the vessel in which God uses!! I know
that this situation is shocking to you, however I encourage and
challenge you to read how Jesus handled various situations. This
will prepare you to show them the love of God without judgment.
See, once you experience the real love of God, there is nothing
in this world that can compare or replace that love. I also want
to address that if this is something that is a temptation for you,
then my advice to you is to just pray for them. Prayer is vital
in both cases, whether God uses you to help Him show them His love,
or if He uses you to pray for them only, keeping yourself separated.
Now, I'll address that icky feeling you are experiencing in this.
When someone as young as you knows about these kinds of things
does bring a sense of shame and guilt to you personally. So that
is what the feeling is that you are experiencing. You are not
part of this equation! Shame is another tool that the enemy uses
to make one feel less than!! No one, not even an adult should
to experience this situation, but because the world has chosen
to shape their hearts in destructive and perverted ways...calling
fun, there are unfortunately innocent lives that are affected by
those decisions as well. That is why it is so important to know
who you are in Christ and choose to shape your life around His
Words not the worlds!! Hope that helps!!
Q. Is Masturbation Wrong?
A. Well, in answer to your question and chances are you already
know the answer for you, because really when people ask for advice
they are really just trying to find out what they already know,
and are really seeking a reason or view and opinion to justify
behavior. So I'll give you my view and opinion. Many people have
argued this case for what seems like forever! They say the Bible
is not clear in this area, however in my opinion I think it's very
clear. See, God did not create us to satisfy ourselves, especially
in the area of sex and intimacy. I believe that God created any
type of sex to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. In
marriage bed, a man is to satisfy his wife and his wife is to satisfy
her husband. It's an act of serving each other and enjoying each
other the way God designed intimacy to be. And since I don't believe
God designed us satisfy our own sexual desires, I don't believe
that it would be beneficial to masturbate. In fact, looking at
it from a scientific standpoint as well, the act of masturbation
a desensitization to take place, therefore making it very difficult
for a woman to have an orgasm without self stimulation. Therefore
once again, I believe that backs up my opinion, based on biblical
knowledge, that we were not designed to gratify ourselves. And,
just a note, it is possible to remain pure in that aspect!!
Q. How do I move on with my life without my old life?
A. Well, the thing that you have to remember
is that our past does not need to hinder us!! We can learn from
and become wise,
enabling us to make the right choices in the future. You can't
change the past, but you can change your future by focusing on
aspects and using your mistakes as tools rather than allowing them
to become obstacles. Make sense? You have to choose the right
Sometimes the right path is tiring and gets very discouraging at
times, yet you know that in the end that the right path we walk
brings life!!! If we follow our emotions then we are doomed. You
have to make a decision and then stay committed to that decision
no matter what!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! It produces the character
we need to live a life of abundance!!!
Q. A boy molested me in my school. It was my fault I was
acting like a slut. I'm not a good person and even though I have
lived in a Christian home, I still back slide and hang out with
the wrong crowd, but now I want to change. How can I change?
A. First of all.... it doesn't matter how you acted, no one has
the right to do anything to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For years I blamed myself for my rape....but that man was just plain
wrong!! No is No!!!! It was not your fault. You need to tell someone
you trust that has the ability to help you and hold this boy accountable
to his actions. You may have the power to stop him from doing this
to someone else. You also need to make a decision and ask God to
give you the grace to remain committed to the decision you make
not only about this situation, but also other decisions such as
hanging out with the right people, staying pure until marriage,
Q. Should I wait for a while to have sex?
A. You need to wait till your married and you have the one that
God has planned for you since the beginning of time. See, when you
get married it will be for God's purpose!!!! He'll have a job for
both of you to do!! Boys will tell you that the sun rises and sets
in you to get what they want, and then when he gets it.... bye,
bye...he's gone shortly thereafter. You contemplating sex at such
a young age, tells me that you so want to be accepted and validated
and feel important. Having sex gives you that feeling temporarily,
but it's a short-lived "emotional" experience. God
approves you, He validates you, He accepts, He loves you. His love
has no comparison to any other love you will ever experience. However,
we as human being's tend to base our love on performance rather
than through God's unconditional love. We can only love as much
as we believe were loved. We can only reciprocate what we experience.
So, if your relationship with God isn't alive and you don't spend
time with Him, then your love walk is going to suck, especially
when times are difficult. I'm willing to wait for God's best for
me!!!! It's God's way or no way!! I'm committed to that because
I've chosen His way!!! I'm not going to lie to you...there are times
that I get so impatient and so frustrated and anxious that I wonder
what the heck I'm waiting for. However, God reminds me that His
plan is good!!!! You are so very young, your just starting life
really. You are beginning to find out who you are, and what you
want and beginning to experience teenage hormones, which are all
part of the preparation. Allow yourself time to be an individual.
You know, the qualities I looked for in a mate at the age of 15
were so different then what I looked for at the age of 20 and again
they are so different now at the age of 32 than what I ever expected
at 20. Why??? Because I've grown and I've experienced me through
God's eyes!!!! He wants nothing but the best for you!
Q. Don't you think if I were pretty I would have guys all over
A. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.... beauty my dear is much more than skin deep!!!
Everything God makes is beautiful...the mystery of it is that others
have to find it. Guys not falling all over you is totally a blessing
from God...believe me!!! Besides, having a guy fall all over you
has nothing to do with beauty....NOTHING. It's lust!! If I had guys
falling all over me lustfully, I would think that I needed to change
some things about me.
Q. I feel like no body cares about me. I feel like I'm alone in
this world. I feel ugly, fat, and stupid. I feel like everybody
is always staring at me thinking the worst. I can't look at someone
straight in the eye without thinking that they think I'm a monster!
I can't find any good in myself and every morning I wake up not
wanting to. You may be out of exile. but I'm in it, how do I get
A. I think we all still go through those days (sometimes they
last for months)...but it is our choice whether or not to look at
them through what we see and FEEL, or what God says about you. I
know that it is really, really, really difficult, especially when
your emotions are screaming..........."somebody love me, somebody
accept me, somebody validate me, somebody care about me." God
has to become so real to you that you find comfort in His love and
acceptance of you. I know what it is like to experience the sting
of rejection. I've experienced it over and over and over again.
and I still experience it, yet.... I choose to see myself through
God's eyes and through His everlasting, comforting love, and that
His grace is sufficient. It's not easy....yet it's bearable. There
is just something about God that makes it all better, even in the
midst of some of the most heart wrenching pain we experience. I
know it hurts and I wish I could take away your pain, but I can
tell you that if you allow God into your pain, He will comfort you!!!
You can trust Him with everything!!!!!!!!
Q. I was molested and raped by a family member, but no one wants
to deal with it or even wants the details. Are the details important
or should I just keep them to myself?
A. Details are a very important key to your healing. I want you
to write down for yourself the details of what happened with this
family member. I want you to write about all the times you can remember.
Get as detailed as you can. The more detailed the better because
sometimes we tend to think that the details are not important because
someone else has just passed it off. It will be tough, but yes the
details are very important so you can deal honestly with your hurt,
anger, and any other unhealthy emotion and begin the healing and
restoration process. It is a process and it does take time!!
***Note - this is just a small clip from an e-mail. I have been
mentoring this young lady for quite some time and there has been
a major process that includes homework assignments. If any of you
are struggling with this in your life, please e-mail me and I'll
work personally via e-mail with you and take you through a process.
I also suggest Christian counseling. -Tammy